Keep is simple. Little black book. White lettering. Or website with shared thoughts.
Title: These Are The Things I Do Not Need
Subtitle: A Working Manual For Men Everywhere
Tagline: Woe is the woman who falls for the man whom asks her to foot the bill after a roofie joke.
Concept:
Massive list of items collected from bad dates or just failed interactions with men. Could maybe carry a copy around to the bars to use as paper to write my number in to prospective dates: "Call me only if you understand where I'm coming from..."
Sample:
- I do not need to hear a play-by-play of your tee-ball game from preschool.
- I do not need to hear you rant about how terrible drinking is while I savor my IPA.
- I do not need a back rub from someone I just met.
- I do not need to hear about a "comedic" story of brutal murder and rape.
- I do not need to "be impressed" by your ability to locate states geographically (i.e. I'm not).
- I do not need to be told how many cars/boats you have. This includes listings of the types of motors, how many wheels of drive they have or where you can take me in them. I don't follow any of that information, and quite frankly, if you have more than one, I don't understand you either.
- I do not need to be surprised to learn that I'm on a date in the middle of a date.
- I do not need date rape jokes.
- I do not need to foot your bill every time.
- I do not need to be called "sweet-ums", "honey-bun", "sexy-eyes" or "sugar-lips" by an employeer, nor by somebody I just met at a party. These titles do not flatter or make up for the fact you forgot my name. These titles must be earned, and in some cases, will always receive darts from the eyes.
- I do not need (nor am I turned on) by your knowledge of basketball player names and stats. Really, I'm not listening. Sorry.
1 comment:
I don't need to feel guilty about not liking you. I don't need pictures taken of our first time together. I don't need to be harrassed into ordering what you like on the menu. I don't need you to agree with everything I say. I don't need your hand on my leg or anywhere near my ass. In addition to your phone number, I do not need your work number, email, and fax. AND: I don't need your permission to.... well, do ANYTHING.
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